That Breath of Fresh Air

I don’t know how it happened but I seemed to have gained a new lease of life.

Usually, I have to crawl out of bed like someone trapped in a tar pit and struggling to free themselves. I’ve been exhausted for the past few months. I’ve often gone for three or four naps during the day, without ever feeling as though I’ve rested.

On Sunday, that changed without warning.

Day One

Despite having slept terribly, I woke up early, feeling somewhat restless and fresh as a cucumber somehow. I didn’t question the unexpected wave of energy; that isn’t the kind of gift one questions.

I just ran with it.

I emptied and filled the dishwasher. I danced around the kitchen while listening to music for the first time in months and then I wrote several hundred words of fanfic before the others even got out of bed. It was magical.

Surprisingly, the magic didn’t end there.

I breezed through the day, cleaning, and writing, and dancing, and managed to get through several hours before needing a nap. Just one nap. I even felt rested afterwards. That was the most amazing part. That was what I couldn’t believe. Part of me started wondering whether I was dreaming, but no. I wasn’t. The boundless energy, the burst of productivity, all of it was real.

Frustratingly, I didn’t sleep well that night. But that wasn’t a surprise. I’ve had one unbroken night of sleep that I can remember since I started college in 2016. What surprised me was that the night of broken sleep didn’t affect me much.

Day Two

I was still energetic on Monday; so much so that I didn’t need a single nap. I was amazed. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t need a nap. I continued to devote time to cleaning, and dancing, though I didn’t get around to writing. Instead I caught up on some reading.

Later that day, I even answered a phone call without hesitating. This is unusual. I can’t count how often I’ve seen an unfamiliar number on the screen and declined a call in a panic.

The call turned out to be from a clothing alteration and repair shop that I’d applied to in the hope of gaining the available sales assistant position. I’m amazed that I didn’t mangle the short phone interview. I’m even more amazed that I didn’t stammer even once. I couldn’t help thinking: is this what it feels like to be neurotypical? To be confident in oneself?

Because that phone interview had gone so fabulously, I even felt brave enough to use a sewing machine for the first time. I bought one recently, wanting to get comfortable with it over the next few months because I intend to do a dressmaking course in September.

I made that decision for two reasons:

1. I’m sick and tired of going shopping and seeing clothes I’d love to wear but don’t even come close to a size I could fit into. Honestly, that is the main reason clothes shopping is so frustrating, so daunting. It even starts to feel humiliating sometimes.
2. I’d also love to do some cosplay; it looks fun.

Using the sewing machine was both interesting and tiring; between the heat in the kitchen and a few things going wrong, I grew quite flustered. But I persevered through it and managed to sew a few straight lines.

I’m looking forward to practicing some more!

Day Three

I slept terribly, and woke up feeling tired. And I can’t forget to mention the low-ish mood I’d settled into that morning. But I wasn’t exhausted. I was still able to do some housework and I did so with a fair amount of gusto. I haven’t seen the stairs look so clean in a while! Seeing the result of the effort I made left me in a brighter mood and feeling accomplished.

I did take a nap on Tuesday, but I felt rested afterwards — which is a nice change from what often happens when I take a nap. I caught up on more reading for the rest of the day, and then finished an art piece I’d been working on in the evening. I’ll be snapping a picture soon and posting it to Instagram.

Feel free to check out the art I’ve been doing!

Day Four

This morning, I woke feeling somewhat tired. But it was a manageable feeling. I didn’t feel like crawling back into bed and sleeping through the day; I jumped into the car and went driving instead.

The driving practice went successfully, though there were a few noticeable mistakes made. But those hiccups will ease out with more practice. Honestly, I’m delighted with how the driving practice went overall. Usually, I focus on the negative things when I go out driving, but I made a concentrated effort to focus on the positive aspects this morning and I think it paid off in the end. I’m looking forward to when I can go out of driving again.

Hopefully, I’ll get to do so this weekend.

In Conclusion:

I’ve had a fantastic week so far and I can’t explain it how it happened. One good thing seemed to lead to another good thing and now I feel eager to greet tomorrow. It seems as the though the dark cloud I’ve been under has shifted and now the sun is shining again.

I hope the sun will keep shining!